6:41a. For the past several weeks, I’ve set an alarm and gotten up before anyone else in the house. I’ve really come to enjoy this little bit of time in the dark, and it puts me in a much better mood than waiting for Jet to rip me from sleep. I’ve also really been trying to work on self-discipline, of which I have very little, and this routine is a great first step. A few reps a squats and curls each day, and waking up early. A start. It makes me proud of myself, honestly, and I hope it starts to build something in me that spills over into other areas of my life (like shopping/consumption/spending money).
To switch gears, lately I’ve been having some seriously dark compulsive thoughts. This really has never been an issue for me, and I’m wondering what effect the Abilify, which we add usually every winter to the mix, is having. I didn’t take it last night, and plan to wean myself off and see how I do. I’ve read stories of Abilify and some pretty nasty side effects, but it always worked well for me in the past. I always have much more of a tendency to get depressed in the winter, which is of course, really common. Since I’ve was pregnant with Jet (3 years ago!), everything in my body is different. Including how I respond to medication, and Abilify hasn’t been nearly as effective this time. So it wouldn’t be completely abnormal to experience different side effects, this being the first time I’ve been on it since before I was pregnant. So we’ll see. I can always go back on it if things worsen. And of course, still on the Lamictal which is really the driver of the bus. Anti-depressants have never really worked for me, but mood stabilizers? They’re the shit.
Wish me luck, self.